Kirk Martinson: Beacons of Hope Series

In the spring of my freshman year at OSU, someone asked if I was going to the Easter Vigil. At that point, I hadn’t attended an Easter Vigil in ten years, probably because my parents still expected my brother and I (despite growing up) to fall asleep midway through the sixth reading. 

But now I was 19, and (mostly) confident that I could remain awake for three hours, so I said yes. My faith had come a long way since the start of high school. I had begun frequently praying, attending mass consistently, and participating at the Newman center, which had enticed me to continue pursuing holiness. Still, I couldn’t have imagined how incredible the service would be. 

From the outset, the Exsultet, I felt like shouting: “how good is our God!” I’d never felt an atmosphere that seemed so alive. Every reading drew me in. Every song seemed to lift the very roof of the church. By the end, my soul was resonating with the lyrics from Glorious Ruins: 

And my soul will find refuge in the shadow of your wings. I will love you forever, and forever I’ll sing. 

That Easter Vigil was indescribable. 

When it ended, I went back to my dorm room and started to get ready for bed. Suddenly, at 1:30 in the morning, my phone started ringing. A FaceTime??? I looked at the clock again, then answered.

It was my friends from back home. What’s up, guys? They were under the impression I was home, too, and was supposed to hang out with them. So why didn’t you ask me to hang out before? Why call suddenly at 1:30 am? They weren’t sure. They expressed disappointment that I was in Corvallis. Then one of them asked me:

“Kirk, why are you so happy?”

The question struck me. I don’t remember the rest of the call or even who asked the question, but I will never forget it because… it was true. It was true I was happy. It was so obvious that my friends asked about it, even though I hadn’t once mentioned my happiness. They simply saw it. 

I’ve thought about that question often the last couple of years. Why was I so happy? I had just spent three hours in church; it was 1:30 in the morning. Someone outside the faith would think I should have been bored, drained, or exhausted, not happy. Yet I was. Really, the answer was simple: for the first time in my life, I understood that Christ is risen. 

For anyone who understands, that is far more than enough. 

However, it is not always easy. I think Christ wanted me to understand where my joy came from because, frankly, I can forget (Lord, do not let the darkness hide what I have seen in the light). Then doubt reigns. There is no trick to escape those periods of desolation. No three-step fix over the course of a day, or a week. It runs its course. When those times come, I am often graced with a question from my memory as something of a reminder about the resurrection: “Kirk, why are you so happy?”

The answer must always remain the reason for our hope.